pillage, plunder & associates

Today we had the chance to interview the real Scarface, the turtle, the people’s hero!!!

Here he is…in all his savage, monsterous, luster!!!

THE MOST GANGSTER

To most people, Scarface is a classic 80’s film. Based on an underdog’s rise to cocaine stardom and subsequent fall.

Though the movie is great, there is an even GREATER Scarface lurking in an aquarium in Plunderville, NY.

Ladies & Gentlemen, This is Scarface and this is his story….

PP&A: How are you doing Scarface? If you don’t mind we would like to ask you a few questions so our readers can get to know you.

SCARFACE: Well I can’t see any harm in that.

PP&A: Where are you from and how old are you?

SCARFACE: Well, ol’ chap, I hail from Chesapeake, VA and 17 years old, but i tell the ladies I’m 13! lol

PP&A: 17 years old huh? You’re getting up in age for a turtle! You must’ve seen a great deal of lil lady turtles in your day?

SCARFACE: Well a gentleman never tells of such endeavors!

PP&A: Ha! Thats how I use to answer back when I wasn’t getting laid man! lmao!

SCARFACE: ………(crickets chirping)

PP&A: Anyway! We know that turtles don’t have natural names so how did you get the nickname Scarface?

SCARFACE: Why do people ask me that all the time? Most people think I viagra it from the movie(which I personally don’t think is that great of a film). My name comes from the marking on the sides of my face plus the fact that my keeper was bumping “mr. Scarface is back” the album, back when he 1st found me and my brother in a stream. Man it seemed like I’ve heard “money & the power” 1 million times because of that record! Classic.

PP&A: You had a brother? Why aren’t we interviewing the both of you today?

SCARFACE: I don’t remeber much about it, for we were very young when he passed. My keeper tells me that, in our 1st year with him, we were kept with many other animals. Among those were crayfish. Though, now, I enjoy a plate of crayfish. We were so small back at that time that the crayfish would attack us and eat at our tails. He told me that one day he came home and a crayfish had my brother in his claws, with his tail chewed to less than a nub. keeper took my brother out of the aquarium but it was too late. It was simply too… late…

Even my tail has a little reminder of those bitter times…

PP&A: Damn…I bet when you eat crayfish now that the bite is a lil more punishing! What does a turtle your size like to eat?

SCARFACE: Sheeeeyit!!! How long is your blog ol’ chap? The list gets rather lengthy! Pretty much anything that moves and bleeds!

worms, frogs, birds, chicken, turkey, snakes, tadpoles, fish, plants, crayfish, mice and rats often…I eat those dumb turtle pellets from time to time…but I’m not in love with those. My blood lust can not be quenched ! hahahaha

PP&A: Scarface, you know what the most intriguing thing is about you?

SCARFACE: haha No, do tell!

PP&A: When preparing to do this interview. I watched some video of you eating and looked at quite a few pictures of you from old to new. I must say I thought that you would be some “idiot brute” with bad manners and slurred speech. But I’ll be damned if you don’t sound like James Earl Jones! You even carry yourself with the presence of king Jaffe Joffer!

I’ve never seen anything like it from a snapping turtle!

SCARFACE: Why thank you kind sir!

PP&A: Well thats all I have for you today Mr. Scarface! Is there anything you would say to the readers of the plunderville gazette?

SCARFACE: Well…first I’d like to thank all the beautiful people who have came to my tank and fed me! It was just as fun for me as it was for you! lol. Also I would like to give a grand shout out to all the fellows & ladies from the swamps all the way to clear waters. Toast to my keeper. Big respect to the FDF CREW and the gang at PILLAGE,PLUNDER & ASSOCIATES! Fare thee well…..